Fluoride and Abrasives in Toothpastes

My daughter went to her first dental check-up today, fortunately no cavities. The dentist was going to put some fluoride on her teeth, but I refused that for now, I don't feel quite easy about putting fluoride on her teeth yet. This got me started to research about toothpaste that I am suppose to introduce at age 2. From my research online, it seems like there is definitely benefit of fluoride in preventing cavities, however, there is so much controversy around it, from fluorisis from too much flouride in childhood to cancer causing in adults . I have heard about using xylitol instead, however, there seems to be no information that says it can completely replace fluoride. The only study I can find says that xylitol with fluoride works better than fluoride alone. Seems like there is no study that see if only xylitol will be sufficient. I will probably start my daughter off with a fluoride free toothpaste regardless, since kids tend to swallow toothpastes, but I am definitely undecided about fluoride for us adults. However, through my search, I found another issue with toothpastes, seems like the abrasives like sodium lauryl sulfate used in some toothpaste can be too abrasive and actually take off too much of your enamel and cause sensitive teeth or yellowing of your teeth, yikes! I have sensitive teeth, and now I wonder if that was caused by Colgate Total with all that whitening and tartar control thing going on, which by the way studies seem to say it doesn't really work. The purpose of toothpaste is mainly to put fluoride on to prevent cavities and to take away plague with abrasives. Fluoride has controversy, and a study I read compared brushing without toothpaste to with, and brushing without toothpaste actually removed more plague than with. I plan on using Spry xylitol tooth gel on my daughter as a first toothpaste, since it is fluoride free and abrasive free and have natural ingredients. Now, I am wondering if us adults should be using that instead too. However, I am so scared that my speculation is wrong and I will ended up ruining my already lousy teeth. I probably will first switch to a low abrasive fluoride toothpaste with xylitol, looks like Tom's of Maine has a line for sensitive teeth that is low abrasive and SLS free.